What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
