I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
