Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
