Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
