something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
