i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
