I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the day after is always just damage control
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
