I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
