I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
