She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
