She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
