so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
that may or may not have been my penis.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
