You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
is it fun? or sober?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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