I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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