Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
