I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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