Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
