Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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