She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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