It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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