im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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