3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
