no you cant smoke seaweed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
