Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
