There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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