I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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