sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
