Christians are straight up FREAKS
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
