You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
