So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
