here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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