Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
