Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
