i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
