She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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