the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
