maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
