Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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