no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
