and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
