I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
