He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
