Will you blow on my dice?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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