I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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