i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We had sex on a dog bed..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
