drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
