Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize