too bad you live with your parents still
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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