He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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