Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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