How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
