So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He passed out mid-signature
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
