Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
