oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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