I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
