Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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