She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
