So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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