I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
