Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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