dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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