You really coming over, don't trick.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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