he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
