That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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