marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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