Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
