It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
