and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
someone threw a dead crab at me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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