We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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