Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
