hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
