i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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