You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
