I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
