I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
