we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
