Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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