I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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