She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
