theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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