ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
