Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
