he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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