theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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