Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
